


the build up to Us

by primalrage



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Canon Compliant, Chocolate Box Exchange, Chocolate Box Exchange 2021, Cuddling, Dry Humping, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Canon, Pre-Time Skip, Requited Unrequited Love, Second Year Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, Tenderness, Touch-Starved, two boys who are bad at feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:35:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28929648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primalrage/pseuds/primalrage
Summary: At some point during their second year, Kageyama and Hinata fall in love, but neither of them can pinpoint exactly when this happened or how.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 14
Kudos: 84
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 6





	1. Nationals, Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

  * For [intoxicatelou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/intoxicatelou/gifts).



> This takes place immediately following the manga's end, but before the time jump into the future. So the events pretty much span through the end of their first year and into their second year. HOWEVER - I left everything purposefully extremely vague in regards to spoilers, meaning I've 100% left out any mentions of games that they win or lose. This was honestly written to be read regardless of where you are in canon. 
> 
> This ended up a billion times longer than I ever imagined, and, because of the time frame, I didn't get a chance to edit this as thoroughly as I would have liked. I hope it came out decent anyway, though! T_T I'm not going to lie, either - I have a whole handful of other scenes that didn't make it into this fic due to the time constraints, and this easily could have been at least 10k words longer LOL I hope it doesn't end up feeling too rushed because of how much got cut out.

Practice seems different, with Nationals over. The school gymnasium feels hollow, like all of the potential that filled it at the beginning of this year is now, finally, spent. The team ignores the change. They stretch, and brainstorm new techniques, and do their drills. No one has the heart to point out that the third years don't need to come anymore, and the third years never address why they're still coming. 

Takeda can read the mood the moment that he steps foot in the gym, and he looks almost sheepish when he interrupts to say, "I've been asked by Hinata's homeroom teacher to have someone from the club bring him the classwork he missed this week. Would any of you like to volunteer?" 

Hinata's absence hasn't been helping to hold the team together these last few days. His sunny smile and the way he bounces all over the gym have been sorely missed. But still, nobody volunteers. All the eyes in the room shift from one face to the next, settling mostly on Sugawara - because isn't he normally so good at this? - or Shimizu and Yachi - because maybe this thing is part of their jobs, as the team managers? 

"I'll do it."

Everyone's gazes flip to Kageyama. It takes every ounce of his control to maintain the cool, expressionless mask he wears. The team collectively holds their breaths, as though waiting for some kind of explanation. Why would Kageyama, of all people, volunteer to do something nice for Hinata? Has the gym ever been so silent? They can hear the low hum of the heater as it warms the January air.

Kageyama is so grateful for Tanaka, who shouts, "You'd better tell that kid to get his ass back here soon!" He chucks the ball at Nishinoya, and practice resumes. 

There is no reason to leave at that moment. Takeda hasn't said anything about making the delivery _right now_. But Hinata lives pretty far from the school, which may have been why none of his classmates had been willing to do the errand, and Kageyama isn't sure he wants to stick around his teammates when there's this weird, negative energy. He takes the paperclipped stack of worksheets from Takeda and packs his things up while the others work on their serve receives. 

Outside, the winter evening is harsh, and a wind blows, stinging his eyes and tousling his hair. There is still plenty of sunlight left, casting long and low shadows across the school grounds. Walking to the gates, he is mostly alone, passing only Karasuno's cycling club, who are mounting their bikes for a ride together despite the cold. Kageyama keeps his eyes down so that he doesn't have to interact with any of them.

Once he reaches the sidewalk, he starts to run. He has always liked running. The only thing he has to think about is the concrete beneath his feet and the rhythm of his breathing. It's a nice distraction from wondering why he volunteered to take classwork to Hinata's house. After several miles, the burn in his thighs and the sting of the icy air in his lungs consume his thoughts entirely. The sun sinks lower, and the horizon is painted with streaks of brilliant oranges and pinks. He doesn't stop until he recognizes the telltale signs that he's pushing himself too hard. If he doesn't want to be sore tomorrow, then he'll need to slow his pace. He makes a detour into a Family Mart, where he buys a disposable face mask and a bottle of C.C. Lemon, which he drinks while he walks the rest of the way. By the time he reaches Hinata's house, the sugar from the soda and the adrenaline from his run have his emotions buzzing. 

Hinata answers the door, and he certainly does not look sick. In fact, judging by what Kageyama can see of the living room behind him, he thinks that he has just interrupted Hinata in a vigorous game of _Taiko no Tatsujin._ The drum is set out on the coffee table before the television, and Hinata does look a little sweaty... 

"You aren't sick," Kageyama says. 

"I _was_ sick, but now I'm better. That's how it generally goes, _Bakageyama._ "

Kageyama unhooks the facemask from his ears, revealing one of his most severe scowls. He reaches into his bag, stuffing the face mask away and pulling out the stack of Hinata's papers. "I wasted my time coming all the way out here, and you're just skipping class for no reason," he mutters, thrusting the pages into Hinata's chest.

Hinata snatches the paper from Kageyama's hands. He glances at it for a second or two, just long enough to see what he has been given. Then, he draws himself up to his full height, but he's half a foot shorter and wearing _Pokemon_ pajamas, so he doesn't look very intimidating. "I'm not skipping for no reason. I just needed more time."

The anger drains from Kageyama's face. He likes to fault Hinata for everything, but he can't fault Hinata for that. 

For a moment, they stand there, staring at each other from either side of the threshold. 

"Do you wanna come in?"

Kageyama doesn't answer.

Hinata rolls his eyes and retreats into his house, back to the sofa and the plastic taiko drum. He has left the door opened, though, so Kageyama steps inside and closes it behind him. As he kicks off his shoes at the entrance, he takes in the silence of the house. "My mom and sister just went to the store," Hinata explains. 

"Are you sure I'm not going to catch anything?" Kageyama asks. 

"The doctor said I wasn't contagious. Mom wouldn't have let me come home otherwise," Hinata assures him. He settles into the couch cushions and, for lack of anywhere better to sit, Kageyama drops down at the other side, keeping as much space between their bodies as possible. This is weird. They've been alone together before many times, but, for some reason, their alone-togetherness feels different and intimate here. It's overwhelming. 

"How do you feel?" Kageyama asks, to fill the silence.

"Wow, Kageyama! It almost sounds like you actually care!" Hinata teases him. If Kageyama hadn't seen first-hand how seriously ill Hinata had been previously that week, he might have punched Hinata right in the head. Instead, he bites his tongue and seethes until Hinata answers, "I'm still a little tired... but I'm excited for next year!" 

Kageyama lets himself relax a little, releasing the tension in his shoulders and sinking back into the couch. He's relieved to hear that Hinata is as spirited as ever. He looks at the soda cans and cup noodles littering the coffee table, and the manga stacked high on the floor at their feet. Hinata deserves this break, Kageyama realizes. He'd never admit it to the little freak, but Hinata has contributed more than his fair share towards the team's successes. 

Hinata sniffles, and when Kageyama looks over at him, tears are rolling down his cheeks. He's biting his lip, trying to hold himself back, but the crying won't stop. In fact, it only gets worse after Kageyama notices it, and Hinata swallows to try and stifle sobs. Kageyama gawks at him, unsure of what to do. Did he cause this? Has he accidentally said something offensive? Wide-eyed and dry-mouthed, Kageyama digs his fingers into the sofa cushions and searches through his catalog of vocabulary for something - _anything -_ to say.

"It won't be the same without the third years," Hinata explains, wiping his face on the sleeves of his pajamas. 

The words seem to enter Kageyama's ears and find their way to his chest, where they turn into a rock-hard lump that makes it hard for him to breathe. 

"This is the first time in my whole life that I've ever felt like a part of a real team," Hinata continues, "What if it never feels this good again? And what if we can never go this far without them?"

"Shut up!"

Kageyama's anger startles Hinata, whose face is twisted and squished into a weepy mess. "Wh-what?" he snaps back at Kageyama, his hands clenching into fists in his lap, "Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time!"

"Where's the optimistic little moron I know?" Kageyama asks, "This isn't like you." 

" _Huh?_ "

"You're supposed to be all - " Kageyama inhales, then puts on his goofiest face, with his eyes rolled inward, and he takes his voice up an octave, " _We can do this, because I'm gonna be the next Tiny Giant!"_

"I don't look like that!" Hinata protests. 

Kageyama's face goes back to normal, and he says, "Maybe not, but you sure sound like that."

Hinata turns away from him and crosses his arms over his chest with a huff. His lip juts out in a pout.

Kageyama leans across the couch to give him a flick on the temple. "Cut this crybaby shit out or... or you're going to get me messed up, too."

Hinata turns to him and smiles, but with all the tears still in his eyes, it doesn't look very reassuring. "S-sorry. I -- My stomach hurts from crying."

"Dumbass," Kageyama mutters. 

"You know what? I think secretly you're kind of a softie."

"No, I'm not."

Hinata laughs and his arms drop over his churning stomach, giving a miserable little whimper. The room goes still again, and both boys are hyper-aware of each groan of the couch springs as they shift around in their seats. Everything in the room goes honey-colored as the last rays of dusky sunlight pour in through the windows, and Hinata's eyes blaze so bright they're nearly amber when he looks up at Kageyama through his scruffy bangs and says, "You know, I never said thank you. So... heh... thanks."

"What? For bringing you your homework?" Kageyama asks, "It's no big deal. Takeda-sensei asked me to."

"No, I mean... thanks for everything. Like... thanks, for setting to me, and for helping me improve, and for trusting me."

"Don't say stupid shit like that," Kageyama growls, although he finds he can't meet Hinata's intense, suddenly-dry-eyed stare, "Are you mocking me?" 

"What! No! I'm trying to be nice!" Hinata shouts. He grabs the taiko drumsticks and holds them like twin weapons in his fists. 

"Oh." Kageyama isn't sure how to take this. He and Hinata aren't _nice_ to each other, but he supposes - in this private setting, where no one's around to witness it - the niceness is okay. He reaches around the back of the couch to set a palm on Hinata's head, and he ruffles the red curls. 

Hinata winces, expecting some kind of physical abuse, but when the fingers continue their tossing of his hair, he leans into the touch and grins. After a few second, Kageyama's fingers go from playful to gentle, and soon he's just absentmindedly massaging Hinata's scalp. Hinata really wracks his brain in that moment, trying to remember if Kageyama has ever touched him before, aside from on the volleyball court or when they're fighting. He's pretty sure nothing even remotely close to this has ever happened. The atmosphere in the room is pregnant with all the unspoken words between them. Both of them find it hard to catch their breath, like the air is too heavy to draw into their lungs.

"Kageyama?"

"Hm?" 

"Have we ever hung out before?" 

Kageyama pulls his hand away. "We aren't hanging out. I just brought you your classwork."

"Okay, well - do you wanna play _Taiko no Tatsujin_ with me?" Hinata asks, "My sister has another drum. We could do two-player and see who scores best."

"Sure. If you wanna have your ass kicked." 

* * *

There are eighty-six songs on Hinata's game of _Taiko no Tatsujin._ He ends up with top scores on forty-three of those songs, and Kageyama gets top scores on the remaining forty-three. Of course, this doesn't happen overnight. Their taiko battles span weeks and eventually months. By the end of their first year, it isn't unusual to find Kageyama at the Hinata residence. Their game of choice, now, is Mario Kart, which sparks so much rage and tension that it often spills over onto the volleyball court. The team wonders what's up with these two, never realizing that the increased competition is a strange, unexpected side-effect of the pair getting closer. Neither of them ever address this. They refuse to talk about hanging out together in public, and they certainly don't act any friendlier towards each other, although sometimes they can be found buying buns together from Shimada Mart or sending each other short, almost-but-not-quite-amiable texts outside of school. 

It is easier to ignore all of this - to pretend it is nothing, when - _really_ \- to each of them, it means the world. It feels fragile. Any day now, this _thing_ that they have cultivated might be broken apart by the slightest interference, into pieces so infinitesimal that there would be no hopes of repairing it. 

One evening, at the beginning of their second year, after this new normal has been well-established, Hinata is sitting as his desk working on his English homework. Daichi might be gone, but Ennoshita is proving to be just as cruel where grades are concerned. If Hinata gets any failing grades in English this year, Ennoshita has promised to bench him, even if that means losing a match. He proved his point the practice prior, when he wouldn't let Hinata do anything but fetch balls after bombing the first English quiz of the year. Hinata groans, remembering it - he better get used to fetching balls, he thinks, because this stuff isn't getting any easier. It's just so hard to focus!

"Mm, how tall do you think Nakamura-kun in class 1-A is?" Hinata asks Kageyama, who is behind him on his bed. Kageyama has been studying and refuses (like the asshole he is, Hinata thinks bitterly) to help Hinata at all. He has also refused to share a single gummy bear, and he's been eating a whole bag of them all night, right in front of Hinata. ( _We were just at the convenient store, dumbass! You could have bought your own!_ Kageyama had shouted.)

Kageyama doesn't respond, and Hinata is certain it's because he's being a jerk again. He spins around in his chair, ready to reach for the nearest object and throw it at Kageyama's head -- 

Except Kageyama is not studying, or eating candy, or being a jerk. He is asleep. 

Hinata kicks off his desk, and his chair goes wheeling across the room to his bedside. Kageyama is on his stomach with his head cradled in his arms. A pencil still rests in his fingers. Whenever they slept together on overnight volleyball-related trips, Hinata never really paid attention to the way that Kageyama looks while he's sleeping. He feels a little bit creepy staring at him now, but he's never seen Kageyama look so peaceful. His brows are not drawn. His scowl has relaxed into what is nearly a smile. His hair hangs into his eyes, and - _damn_ \- he has full eyelashes. Hinata leans in closer. He's pretty, Hinata realizes. Not in a I-have-a-crush-on-you way, but in a factual way.

Has anyone ever found Hinata pretty? He kind of doubts it. The only girls who gave him candy on Valentine's Day were Shimizu and Yachi, and they both got candy for the entire team. But this past February, he knows Kageyama got candy from a bunch of girls, even some second and third years. It had pissed him off so bad at the time, but Kageyama very uncharacteristically hadn't gloated about beating Hinata at all, and when Kageyama had opened all the boxes and shared them with Hinata, it had been hard to stay mad. He also knows that Kageyama hadn't reciprocated anything on White Day, which had also softened the blow. Still, Hinata has had to resign himself to the fact that looks are one competition he has no chance of beating Kageyama in. One day, Hinata knows, Kageyama will have someone to return a gift to on White Day. They will end up kissing and maybe even _more than kissing_. Hinata will just keep falling farther and farther behind, with no hopes to compete. Kageyama will be distracted from volleyball. He'll be distracted from Hinata, too. 

"H-hey. Shittyama. Wake up," Hinata says, nudging Kageyama's side with a foot. 

Kageyama shifts a little and yawns into the crook of his arm. When he opens his eyes, his eyebrows furrow again, like he's incapable of being awake without a miserable look on his face. 

"Do you wanna stay the night?" Hinata asks. 

"No."

Kageyama packs up in about five seconds flat. He sets the half-eaten bag of gummy bears on Hinata's desk on his way out the door. 


	2. Second Year

There is a group of three first years in front of the vending machines when Kageyama goes to buy a drink at lunch. It's hard for him to believe that it's now been only a few months since he was a first year himself, because they seem impossibly immature to him, even though one of the group is huge; he must be at least 6'3". He may be taller than Kageyama, but the way he and his friends are laughing and roughhousing, he might as well still be in junior high. Kageyama mostly ignores them, hanging behind and waiting for them to clear out, but then the topic of their rowdy conversation turns to something that grabs his attention - 

"Nakamura's gonna join the volleyball club!" one of them, a boy with dyed-blond hair, shouts as he slaps the tall boy on the back. 

At the mention of the volleyball club, the tall boy (Nakamura?) howls with laughter and shoves his friend away from him. "Shut the fuck up, dude! You go join it!"

The third of their trio, a skinny guy in glasses, asks, "Am I missing something? What's so funny?"

The blond wheezes and hits the button on the vending machine for a Pepsi. "Dude, you absolutely fuckin' missed it yesterday. It was the most hilarious thing I've ever seen. We went into the bathroom and this weird little redhead kid was in there. He practically creamed his pants when he saw how tall Nakamura is."

Kageyama's hands clench into fists at his sides. He feels the coins he is holding stab into his palm. 

Nakamura clears his throat and, in a cruel reminder of the way Kageyama had teased Hinata at the end of the last school year, brings his voice up to a higher pitch - " _How tall are you! You must be at least six feet! You should join the volleyball club!"_

"You had to be there, man," the blond says to the glasses-wearer, bending to grab his bottle out of the machine, "I swear, I thought the kid was gonna ask to marry Nakamura right then and there."

"What did you even say?"

Nakamura snickers, "Obviously I told him no. I mean, I still haven't decided what club I'm going to join, but now I know to stay far away from that one."

Kageyama lurches forward, and all three pairs of eyes shift to him. His nostrils flare. His teeth clench. He barely blinks.

"Whoa, dude! What's your problem?" the blond laughs.

Kageyama spins towards him, grabbing him by the front of the shirt. He slams the blond back into the vending machine and shouts, "You're my damn problem! That guy you're making fun of has more athletic ability than all of you combined!"

"Dude, calm down," the blond says with a nervous laugh, "What is he? Your boyfriend?"

Kageyama slams him back again, the machine shaking. "If I ever hear you say another word about him again - "

"What will you do?" Nakamura interrupts him. He's smirking, unimpressed by Kageyama's threat.

Kageyama draws his lips over his teeth like a snarling animal, and the rage in his expression is enough to subdue the blond, who holds his hands up in a sign of surrender, "I'm sorry! You're right. That wasn't cool."

He releases the blond, who slumps back against the machine with a sigh.

Something hard smashes into Kageyama's face. For a few seconds, he stumbles in place, hardly able to tell up from down or left from right. Only his sense of taste seems to be working, the metallic tang of blood pooling over his tongue. When his rattled brain finally settles, he understands that Nakamura has punched him. The taller boy hovers in the periphery of his vision, his hands still raised in fists. Kageyama can hear other students behind him screaming. Voices, some panicked and others excited, are calling out - _"Fight!"_ He's in so much pain that he can't think of how to respond. 

"Stop it!" the blond shouts, but he's not looking at Kageyama - he's looking _past_ him. Nakamura is moving in for a second strike. 

Kageyama dives and tackles Nakamura to the ground. He's faster than the taller boy, whose swing misses by at least a foot. Then they're rolling around on the concrete, and Kageyama's fist is slamming into Nakamura's face again and again and again - it's like he doesn't even have control over his limbs anymore. It's all just happening on autopilot, and every connection of knuckle to skull fills him with adrenaline. He hears the impact of each punch - _thunk! thunk! thunk! thunk! -_ and it's almost rhythmic to him, like the beating of a war drum. Beneath him, Nakamura thrashes, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt or hair, whatever he can reach. 

"Break it up!" someone bellows. A man's voice, louder and deeper than the cries of onlooking students. 

And another voice, a familiar one, yells, "Kageyama! Kageyama, let him go!"

Kageyama hears his name, he hears the command, but he can't make himself stop. He's so fucking _mad_ that anyone would dare make a joke about Hinata's earnestness. He's more mad about that than he is about getting hit in the first place. It's okay when the team teases Hinata, even that bastard Tsukishima, because at least they do it to his face. Only an absolute coward would bully a guy who can't stand up for himself, and _Hinata_ of all people - how can you say that shit about _Hinata_? 

A pair of arms wrap around his middle, and he is lifted off the other boy and to his feet. Hands are on his shoulders now, pulling him back, even as his arms keep flailing to get in one last punch. Someone else, a teacher, has stepped in to pick Nakamura off the ground. In a final act of rage, Kageyama spits a mouthful of blood onto Nakamura's white sneakers.

He is in a daze as someone guides him away. He's aware of everyone gawking at him as he passes. His lip is busted, and now that his senses are returning to normal he's aware of how _bad_ his knuckles and wrist hurt, too. He can't stop shaking, even when those gentle hands lead him to a set of stairs around the back side of the gym and ease him down. Once seated, he stares blankly up at his savior. It's Takeda-sensei, looking wide-eyed. "Do you need to go to the nurse?" he asks.

Kageyama takes a second to make sense of the question, then he shakes his head.

"Stay here. Don't move," Takeda demands. 

Kageyama, still too shocked to think, let alone _go somewhere_ , just nods up at him. 

He is left there alone for quite a while. His tongue is badly swollen, but he touches it to each tooth, making sure they're all still in place. None of them have been lost or damaged. He's pretty sure the blood is from where he bit his tongue with that first hit to the face, and because his lip is split right beneath his right nostril. He doesn't think Nakamura got any more hits in, but his memory of the event isn't very clear. The rest of him still feels okay, besides his hand, which is already bruising purple and green. He unfolds his fists for the first time, finding that he still held coins in one palm. They've left round indentations in his skin. He lets them drop to the concrete. 

As time goes on, he's sure that lunch must have ended, and he wonders, numbly, if he's about to get in trouble for missing class. But then he remembers he's punched another student - multiple times, in fact - so _of course_ he's about to get in trouble. 

Takeda comes back with a bag of ice wrapped in paper towels. "Here," he says, putting it into one of Kageyama's opened hands. 

Kageyama isn't sure whether to hold it to his throbbing lip or his bruising knuckles, so he stares up at Takeda with a hollow expression on his face. 

"That will help with the swelling," Takeda says, and he sits down beside him on the step. 

Kageyama brings the bag up to his mouth. The paper towels block too much of the ice from touching his skin; it doesn't feel cold enough to help. 

"What happened back there?" Takeda asks.

Kageyama can't possibly answer that. 

"I'm not going to yell at you," Takeda says, "Okubo-sensei and I both saw the other boy hit you first when your back was to him."

Kageyama blinks at him. 

"You're lucky that we happened to be walking by, you know. If that other student's friends had decided to get involved, you would have been outnumbered."

Kageyama doesn't care. He wants to tell Takeda that he hopes the other boy is dead, that he hasn't learned his lesson, and that he would do it all over again.

"Do you want me to take you to the counselor's office? You don't have to tell me, but it might help if you talk to someone."

"No," Kageyama answers. It's the first word he's spoken, and his voice doesn't sound like his own. He sounds weak and young and small.

Takeda puts a hand on his shoulder. It feels too heavy, and Kageyama fights the urge to shrug it off. "It's okay. Just relax. Breathe in through your nose for four seconds and hold it for seven seconds. Can you do that?"

Kageyama doesn't want to, but he's not sure what else to do. He inhales, deep, long, filling his lungs with air. 

"Good," Takeda says, "Now hold it. One - two - three - four - " 

Kageyama closes his eyes. He counts along with Takeda in his head - _five - six - seven._

"Okay, now out through your mouth for eight seconds. Can you do that with me?"

He listens to the beats of Takeda's counting, exhaling slow through the tight, pursed O of his lips. 

Takeda walks him through this again and again, until his hands stop shaking and his vision finally comes back into focus. By the time they finish, the moisture from the bag of ice is beginning to seep into the paper towels, and he is finally getting some relief thanks to the cold. Through it all, Takeda never takes his hand off Kageyama's shoulder. "Do you know those boys?" he asks, "Have you had problems with them before?"

"They were making fun of Hinata," Kageyama mutters, and he's so fucking embarrassed to admit it out loud. Embarrassed on Hinata's behalf, but also embarrassed that he jumped to defend Hinata so quickly. They aren't even friends. Why did he get so carried away? 

Takeda clears his throat. "I see." It takes him a long moment, perhaps a full minute, to collect himself after that. As the silence stretches on between them, Kageyama can't think of what to add, so he just stares, until Takeda continues, "I won't lecture you right now, but you should know that you are one of the most talented students that I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. You're a pillar of your team, and I've seen you grow so much over the past year. Don't stoop to anyone's level. You're above bullying others and getting into fights like this. Hinata will always have people who doubt him, and you won't always be there to defend him, but as long as you are a good and loyal friend, that's all that matters."

Kageyama swallows, tasting more blood. He's so thirsty. He just wishes he'd been able to get his stupid drink. It suddenly becomes very important for him to pick all the coins up off the ground, but his fingers feel numb and clumsy, and he fumbles to collect them all. He wants to cry, but he'd rather die than get any more emotional in front of Takeda today. 

"No practice today, okay?" Takeda says, "I'll tell the others. Just get home and rest."

Kageyama nods and tucks his coins back into his pocket. He's not sure that he could play with his hand hurting this bad, anyway.

"Do you think you can get through class for the rest of the day?"

"Yes. I'll be fine." He's afraid, though. He's afraid everyone will stare at his swollen lip and wonder what happen. Or, worse - he's afraid that the gossip has spread, and everyone in his class will already know. But he also can't go home and let his family see him like this. That would be the worst option of all.

* * *

Worrying about going home keeps Kageyama distracted from the stares of all his classmates and the glances of disapproval from his teachers. By the end of the day, his upper lip is swollen to twice its normal size, and a bruise has blossomed there to match the ones on his knuckles. What will his parents do, when they see him like this? There's no hiding it; he'll have to tell them he got into a fight. He's never been in trouble for anything like that before, so he can't imagine what the punishment will be. When he is dismissed, and he's heading for the school gates instead of the gym, he is filled with so much dread that it makes him queasy. He wonders if he could talk Takeda-sensei into letting him stay for practice. At least if he gets home late, he can lie and tell his family he got hit in the face with a ball. They might even believe him. 

"Hey! Kageyama!"

He winces at the sound of his own name, and he turns to see Hinata racing across the schoolyard towards him. Hinata is the last person he wants to face right now, but there is no way to avoid this conversation short of just bolting away. 

Hinata skids to a stop in front of him, bright-eyed and panting. He pulls himself up on his tiptoes, still not even close to Kageyama's height, then cups Kageyama's face in both hands. The distance between them closes. 

And Kageyama thinks, breathless, _he's going to kiss me?_ Kageyama's heart hammers in his throat. He is horrified, because he knows that if Hinata does kiss him, he won't be able to do anything to stop it. He's too weak right now. 

When their faces are inches away, Hinata studies his wounded mouth, cocking his head this way and that like a curious puppy. Then he lowers himself back down onto his feet. His hands withdraw from Kageyama's cheeks, taking the warmth and comfort of his palms away with them. "I can't believe you got beat up by a first year!" he says and begins to laugh. 

Kageyama cannot scowl with his busted lip, but he certainly tries. "The other guy is worse off than me." He doesn't know this for sure, but the rumors circling the school by the end of the day claim that Nakamura now sports two black eyes. 

"But he's a first year! You beat up a first year!" 

Hinata doubles over, wheezing, and Kageyama shrugs his bag up on his shoulder and walks for the gate. 

"Wait!" Hinata cries, jogging to keep up with Kageyama's longer stride, "What happened?"

How can Kageyama answer that? "Why don't you ask the other guy. He started it," Kageyama mutters, "And why are you following me? Don't you have practice?"

Hinata shakes his head, his curls bouncing around his beaming face, "Nope. Takeda-sensei told us all to take a day off. He said we've been working too hard. Hey! What if you come over to my place? We can practice out front."

"I don't think I can," Kageyama sighs. He stops and holds his hand out to Hinata, showing off the ugly shades of green and violet.

Hinata takes his hand, very gingerly, and pouts down at Kageyama's raw knuckles. "I probably have some stuff for this at my place. I could help you." 

Kageyama considers his options. Option one - go to Hinata's house and be pestered for hours about what happened. Option two - go back home and deal with his family freaking out. Neither option sounds good, but Kageyama nods anyway. "Okay."

Kageyama rides his bike to Hinata's house in silence, despite that Hinata, riding beside him, will not stop begging for more details. "I've never met someone who got in a real fight before!" Hinata shouts, absolutely giddy. Kageyama thinks that, if he could access a time machine, he would go back to that afternoon and join the boys in mocking Hinata. Maybe they'd all be best friends by now, united by how obnoxious they find Hinata to be. Even just thinking that, though, makes Kageyama feel guilty. 

The half hour of cycling leaves Kageyama feeling ragged and drained by the time they reach Hinata's, which is unlike him. He doesn't even think that InterHigh wore him out this badly. It's the stress, maybe. Or the spike of adrenaline. If Hinata notices that Kageyama is dragging behind, he doesn't say anything. Kageyama wishes that he would notice. He doesn't know why he thinks that, because it's not like Hinata can do anything to make him feel more like himself. Although, maybe if Hinata would stop talking about it for five minutes, that might help.

They leave their bikes by the street and, as they toe off their shoes in the front hall, Hinata calls out into the quiet house, "Mom! I'm home!" He listens a few seconds for an answer, then shrugs. "Hm. I guess she wasn't expecting me to be back for a couple of hours." 

He takes Kageyama by the arm and leads him into the kitchen, where he pushes Kageyama down into a chair at the dining table. Kageyama is glad to be off his feet. He watches Hinata bounce across the kitchen to fish a first aid kit out from beneath the kitchen sink.

"Do you think you broke your hand?" Hinata asks.

"No." Kageyama doesn't even want to entertain that possibility. He almost laughs. Wouldn't that be his luck? 

"Just be still, okay?" Hinata says. First aid kit in hand, he steps in between Kageyama's knees. The inside of Kageyama's thighs touch the outside of Hinata's thighs. It's such an awkward position, but Hinata looks so tender and kind as he studies Kageyama's face that Kageyama forgets his discomfort. They don't really feel like rivals in that moment, but Kageyama doesn't think they seem much like friends either. He wishes he had a label for this intimacy between them. 

"Okay," Kageyama agrees.

Hinata reaches over Kageyama's shoulder and sets the first aid kit down on the table behind him. It's filled with gauze, bottles of medication, medical tape, and various other things that the family has collected over the years. He hums to himself as he searches its contents. 

"Do you know what you're doing?" Kageyama asks. 

"Yeah, of course! I hurt myself a lot, so I'm pretty much a pro at first aid. A-ha! Here we go. This stuff will numb your lip."

Hinata moves in so close that Kageyama can feel the warm caress of his breath on his face. It's not a bad feeling. He puts a hand on Kageyama's cheek and tilts his head up towards him. Kageyama doesn't think he has ever had to look _up_ at Hinata before, besides when they're on the volleyball court, so this feels a little strange. Hinata smiles, his expression affectionate and reassuring, and he squeezes a bead of clear gel out of the tube. "Don't swallow this," he warns him, "Or it'll make your whole mouth go numb."

"Then don't fuck it up."

"I'm going to on purpose after that," Hinata says, but he does not - he dabs the gel against Kageyama's upper lip, and it's an action more careful than Kageyama would have ever thought Hinata capable of. Hinata's eyes are narrow and intense as he works, and Kageyama squeezes his own shut so that he doesn't have to meet them. The stuff goes to work right away, making his lip go tingly. Once it's applied evenly, Hinata adds, "Oh... I forgot to mention - you might drool a little."

Kageyama has the urge to bark something back at that, but he doesn't want to mess up the application of medicine on his lip, so instead he opens his eyes to shoot Hinata a glare. Hinata doesn't catch the look, though. He's back to digging through the first aid kid, from which he pulls a packet containing an antibacterial wipe and a box of - _of all things -_ Gudetama bandages. 

"How about you go sit on the couch, and we can watch something on TV while I bandage up your hand? I'm going to go make you an ice pack." He bounces away to pull a box of sandwich bags out of a cabinet. 

Kageyama admits to himself that he is a little touched by how seriously Hinata is taking his job. He leaves the kitchen and flops into the couch. While he waits for Hinata, he texts his parents that he's at Hinata's place. He hasn't looked at his phone all day, and he sees he has missed eight calls and countless text messages, mostly from Nishinoya and Tanaka, who demand to know if the rumors are true. He doesn't have the energy to read through them all, and he certainly can't bring himself to respond, so he drops his phone back in his bag and closes his eyes. He's almost asleep by the time Hinata curls up against his side and pulls his hand into his lap. Kageyama opens an eyelid to watch as Hinata cleans his knuckles with the antibacterial wipe. It stings, but he's too weary to react. Then Hinata covers the raw skin with bandages, even though it's not bleeding; the injuries are little more than bruises and scrapes. That doesn't stop him from wasting half a dozen bandages. "What do you wanna watch?" Hinata asks as he works. 

Kageyama manages to respond with "I don't care," - his lip has gone numb, and he can barely control it enough to form the words. 

"Ugh. You always say that," Hinata groans. The last bandage in place, he leans forward to toss the torn wrappers onto the coffee table in front of them and pick up the remote. He shifts Kageyama's hand around in his lap and places the bag of ice on his knuckles, holding it in place while he begins to flip through the channels. 

Kageyama doesn't even glance at the television; he just stares, unblinking, down at his hand resting on Hinata's thigh. When did the two of them get comfortable touching this way? What happened to all of the walls he had put up between them? How had he failed to notice those walls coming down? "Why are you being so nice to me?"

"What a stupid question," Hinata mutters, "It may be hard for you to believe,but most people aren't assholes like you are."

Kageyama gives a grunt of disagreement, but he's too tired and upset to bicker with Hinata like he usually does. Instead, he lets his head droop onto Hinata's shoulder. Hinata's closeness is soothing. His hair smells like peaches. For the first time in many hours, Kageyama thinks - _everything will be okay._

"Ew! Grossyama, you're drooling on my shirt!" Hinata yells at him, but he doesn't pull away. 

* * *

Kageyama wakes when Hinata's mother returns home with Natsu. He's wrapped around Hinata on the couch, and Hinata is watching _One Piece_ on television, not minding at all that Kageyama has drooled a huge damp stain into his t-shirt. Hinata's mother looks surprised to see them there, on a night when they should have had volleyball club, and even more surprised to see his split lip.

"He got hurt during practice," Hinata lies for him, without skipping a beat. He only just now untangles himself from Kageyama's limbs, rushing to the kitchen so he can dig through his mother's bags of groceries for any delicious treasures.

Natsu often climbs all over Kageyama when he's visiting, and she races across the room to scramble up onto the couch beside him. She spits out a million questions about the accident, leaving Kageyama's head spinning. Thankfully, Hinata's mother comes to the rescue. "Kageyama-kun doesn't feel well today. Let's give him some space tonight. Why don't you color him a picture?" 

In a flash of red curls, she disappears into her room. They can hear her singing to herself from down the hall. 

"Are you staying the night, Kageyama-kun?" Hinata's mother asks him. She's dodging her son in the kitchen, putting vegetables in the fridge and bags of snacks in the cupboards, finding a place for everything that she purchased.

Hinata doesn't even glance up. He knows Kageyama's reply. Of course he won't stay. 

"Um..." Kageyama says, "If that's okay?" 

"Of course it's okay!" Hinata shouts, and he leaps across the room in just a couple huge bounces, landing back on the couch with Kageyama, who he shakes violently by the shoulders in his excitement. 

His mom orders pizza, and, at the dinner table, Natsu gives Kageyama a handful of get well soon cards that she has made with colored pencils on floral stationery paper. Kageyama reads them as he eats his slices with fork and knife, because the pizza sauce gets all over his numb and swollen lip when he tries to eat it the normal way. While the family chatters around him, he acts like he's fine, but he's actually anxious about sleeping in Hinata's room tonight. 

Hinata, on the other hand, has been having sleepovers pretty much his whole life. He likes staying up to tell ghost stories, or making blanket forts, or playing handheld games until he and his friends can't keep their eyes open anymore. One memorable night in junior high, he had been caught making prank phone calls with one of his friends from the basketball team, and he hadn't been allowed to have sleepovers for the rest of the semester. Ever since he started high school, Hinata's only sleepovers have been the overnight volleyball trips, and Daichi was always too strict about bedtime for anything really fun to happen. So, while he is surprised that Kageyama has agreed to spend the night, he's definitely not hesitant about it. 

After dinner, he finds his biggest t-shirt for Kageyama to change into. The idea of putting on Hinata's shirt fills Kageyama with panic, but he has no choice - Hinata's mother has offered to try and get some of the blood out of his jacket. It's very soft, obviously well-worn, and it smells like Hinata's detergent. Kageyama has never noticed that there is a specific detergent that he associates with Hinata, but as he pulls the shirt on over his head, he recognizes its clean scent. It's too short for him; whenever he lifts his arms, the shirt rises halfway up his torso. Hinata isn't sure whether to mock him for how ridiculous he looks or be embarrassed over their significant height difference, so he decides to busy himself by digging through his drawers for some pants instead of reacting either way.

"I'm not going to put on your pants," Kageyama tells him, horrified. 

"So what are you gonna do instead, huh? Sleep in your underpants? Pervert."

"N-no," Kageyama mutters, and Hinata thrusts a pair of basketball shorts at him. Mercifully, they fit Kageyama just fine.

"Okay!" Hinata says, "Now that that's taken care of, what do you want to do? Scary stories? Read comics?" 

Kageyama sighs. "I'm sorry. I kind of just want to go to sleep." As uncomfortable as he is, he knows that Hinata is excited to have him there, and he feels awful bursting Hinata's bubble. His face is soft, apologetic. He braces for Hinata to complain.

But Hinata doesn't complain. He just nods, and says, "Wait here." He takes Kageyama's clothes, in order to bring them to his mother, and he slips out of the room.

Kageyama listens to Hinata's footsteps race up the hall, then down the stairs. While he waits, he takes his phone out again so that he can charge it at an outlet under Hinata's desk. He sees that more texts have come in, including one from - of all people - _Sugawara._ It just says, "Are you okay?" How the hell does Sugawara know about what happened? He doesn't even go to this school anymore! He's about to start texting everyone on the volleyball team to figure out who the fuck snitched to Sugawara, when Hinata pops back into the room. Oh, well. The texts can wait until tomorrow.

"Look!" Hinata says, "Mom found you this! Natsu had an unopened box of them."

He is waving a toothbrush around. It is too-small and printed with Sailor Saturn, who is almost the same color as the bruise across Kageyama's mouth. Kageyama is only able to recognize which Sailor Scout she is because Miwa still has her old collection of Sailor Moon dolls, and she used to spend hours styling their hair when she was younger. Together, Kageyama and Hinata share a sink in the bathroom as they brush their teeth. Kageyama dribbles spit and toothpaste all down his chin, dripping onto Hinata's shirt, but Hinata doesn't even tease him for it, for which he is grateful. 

"Now you have a toothbrush that you can use whenever you spend the night!" Hinata slides it into a plastic toothbrush holder and tucks it in the medicine cabinet behind the mirror.

And Kageyama has a worrying thought - what if he does end up spending the night again? What if it becomes a regular thing? And what if he _likes_ it? 

Back in Hinata's room, Hinata jumps onto his bed and pats the mattress beside him. "Come sit down," he says.

Kageyama crawls up beside Hinata and sits cross-legged, wondering what this is about. 

Hinata shows him the tube of medicine again, which he must have carried back with him from the bathroom. "Do you want some more before we go to sleep?" 

Kageyama nods. 

The application is even more intimate this time around, which Kageyama wouldn't have thought possible. Hinata rises up on his knees and moves in so close to Kageyama that their chests are touching. He tilts Kageyama's chin down and brings the tube up to his mouth. One hand rests on Kageyama's neck to steady himself, and Kageyama notices how _strong_ Hinata's hands are. They play volleyball, so of course his hands are strong, but it's surprising how a guy so small can have hands like this. Again, he's so careful and gentle. His tongue pokes out between his teeth as he works, so focused he doesn't even notice how ridiculous he looks. He squeezes and dabs, squeezes and dabs, until Kageyama's upper lip is shiny and slimy, and he can no longer feel it anymore.

"I wonder what it would be like if someone kissed you with that stuff on your lip," Hinata says once he's done, "Like, would it make your kiss all numb and tingly?" 

"Why don't you kiss me and find out?"

Hinata gives a bark of laughter and snatches his pillow out from behind Kageyama, whacking him on the side of the head. "Ew! Like I'd ever do that! _"_

"Cut it out, dumbass. You're going to get this stuff all over your pillow."

"I'm going to make _you_ sleep on this one, then," Hinata says, but he does put the pillow back in place, looking a little sheepish, "Are you _sure_ you don't want to do something fun before bed? What if I pull up a movie on my phone or something?" 

"Your phone is too small to watch a movie on."

"No it isn't! I do it all the time!"

But Kageyama isn't really thinking about the size of the phone screen. He's thinking about how close he and Hinata would have to lie in order to both watch anything on it. Doesn't Hinata see how awkward that would be? And, indeed, just a few minutes later, when they're scooting into place on Hinata's bed in the dark, it _is_ awkward. Kageyama rolls on his side with his back to the wall, trying to keep his arms pinned close against him. Hinata fails to notice the inch of space Kageyama has fought to keep between them. He wiggles in closer and draws up the blanket. Kageyama is surrounded by all of these Hinata smells - his detergent, his peachy hair, his toothpaste. He feels the scents on his skin like the crawling legs of countless insects. He squirms, trying to get comfortable, but with his head so close to Hinata's on the pillows that their hair is touching, he cannot relax.

"I already know what we should watch," Hinata says as he opens a streaming app, the light from his phone screen illuminating their faces, "They just added this one the other day. It's about a whole bunch of people out in the woods somewhere in America getting hunted by bigfoots!" 

"That sounds stupid."

"You think everything sounds stupid."

"I think you sound stupid." 

"Bakageyama."

"Dumbass." 

Hinata rests his head on Kageyama's shoulder and presses play. 


	3. Birthday

June 21st comes around, and Hinata feels like the king of the world, because, until Tsukishima's birthday in September, he's the oldest person in the volleyball club aside from the third years. The team plans to meet up by the school gates after class is dismissed, so that they can head to a nearby yakisoba restaurant to celebrate. Hinata is so excited that he races out of the building and ends up the first one there. While he waits for the others, he bounces from one foot to the next to expel some excess energy. He has pretty much starved himself all day in order to build up his hunger, and he's now anxious to let the face-stuffing begin. 

He pulls his phone out of his school bag and opens an app to message Kageyama, who is saved as Cuddlyama in his contacts. It's an inside joke; whenever Kageyama sleeps over, which he now does often, Hinata always wakes up nestled in Kageyama's long limbs. No insult or name that Hinata has ever called Kageyama has pissed him off as bad as _Cuddlyama_ does. So, of course, that's Hinata's favorite thing to call him, because it gets a rise out of him every single time. For some reason, he can't bring himself to use the mocking nickname around the others, though. He doesn't really feel comfortable with them knowing he lets Kageyama sleep in his bed. In fact, he doesn't think that their teammates even know that they hang out with each other outside of school, and it's almost been six months now since they started doing so. Hinata texts him - 

> _Hey jackass!!!_
> 
> _where are u your soooo slow_

"I'm right in front of you. And no one is even here yet." Hinata whips his head up to find that Kageyama is standing in front of him, phone in hand. 

"So?" Hinata says, although he's blushing, embarrassed, "You're still slow."

Kageyama replies, "I was almost hoping you'd leave without me so I didn't have to suffer through it."

"Wow," Hinata mutters, "Just wait until your birthday. I'm gonna take a crap in a gift bag for you!"

The irritation drains from Kageyama, his frown softening into something more gentle. Hinata only ever sees him smiling, or even close to smiling, when they're on the volleyball court or when Kageyama is sleeping. The rest of the time, he has three expressions: there's his super scary, furious face; then there's his regular, scowling face; but there's also this third one, the one he wears now. In the beginning of their psuedo-friendship, Hinata hadn't been sure what this expression meant, but he has come to understand it. It's the face Kageyama makes when he's feeling good about something, but that good feeling makes him uncomfortable, and so he suddenly can't make eye contact or stand tall anymore. "Speaking of gifts," he says, and he begins to reach into his bag. 

"Wait," Hinata stops him, grabbing him by the wrist, "Give it to me after, okay? You can spend the night."

Kageyama's expression goes back to normal again, and he nods. "Yeah. Good idea."

They've arranged this just in time, because Nishinoya comes flying at the pair of them, leaping onto Hinata's back and giving him a noogie. 

* * *

Hinata quickly forgets about Kageyama's gift. Spirits are high. Everyone is glad for a chance to celebrate and unwind after the exhausting InterHigh Qualifier matches earlier that month. This is the first time so far that the new team has gone out together and felt like a family, the first time Hinata hasn't ached for Sugawara, Daichi, and Asahi to come back. He eats until he's so stuffed that he thinks he'll never eat again, but then Ennoshita announces that they've all chipped in to get Hinata a cake, and it's to the Sakanoshita Shop for round two - Coach Ukai has closed up early, and he and Takeda-sensei are both there with a giant round cake decorated to look like a volleyball. 

Even Kageyama looks like he's enjoying himself, Hinata thinks. He wishes the night could go on forever. But Ukai cuts it short. He reminds them they still have practice first thing tomorrow morning and boots them out of the store before it's too late. 

Hinata carries the box containing his leftover cake in both arms as he and Kageyama head up the quiet, peaceful streets to his home in the opposite direction of the others. "I'm gonna have more cake for breakfast tomorrow!" he announces, already licking his lips with eagerness over the idea. 

"You'll make yourself sick," Kageyama says, "If your stomach hurts too much to practice tomorrow, I'm going to punch you till you puke."

"Ugh. You're no fun."

Hinata's mother is on the couch watching the news when they walk in. It seems as though Natsu's already gone to bed, because she speaks very softly, "Did you two boys have a nice time?" 

Hinata prattles on - louder than he should, Kageyama thinks, considering his sister is asleep - about all the food he ate and the fun they had, and he shows off the volleyball cake. She cuts herself a slice and leans against the cabinets to eat it while she listens to her son. She keeps glancing at Kageyama in this specific way, and even though she isn't saying a word, Kageyama reads volumes into those glances. She seems to be using her eyes to say, _Isn't it so adorable how excited Hinata gets?_ and _This is exactly what we love about him, isn't it?_

Every time it happens, Kageyama risks a tiny smile back to her. He hopes that she understands what those smiles mean, because he isn't totally sure himself.

A few minutes later and they're in their pajamas, brushing their teeth together at the sink. Kageyama has since thrown out Sailor Saturn and uses an orange Sailor Venus toothbrush, now. It still feels absurdly undersized in his fingers, but Kageyama thinks that bringing a toothbrush over and keeping it here has some implications. The fewer implications, the better.

"Oh!" Hinata gasps, spraying toothpaste into the sink and dribbling down his chin, "I forgot about your gift!"

Kageyama has kind of been hoping Hinata might forget about the gift, because he has started feeling a little self-conscious about it, but he guesses there's no turning back now. Once they're back in Hinata's room, he takes it out of his bag. It's rectangular and wrapped in blue and orange striped paper. Hinata lifts it up and down, testing the weight. "Is it... books?" he guesses.

"Why don't you open it and find out, you dolt."

Hinata tears into the wrapping paper, flinging the trash around his room. Inside is a stack of a half-dozen magazines, all of them in English, so of course he can't read the words, but based on the covers, all of them seem to be about volleyball. 

"Well," Kageyama explains, "The real gift is that I got you a subscription to a volleyball magazine, but they don't start coming until next month, so... I found those online and thought they were kind of cool. And maybe you can practice your English. Look, this one's all about beach volleyball. They're just meant to be a placeholder gift, until - "

He doesn't get the rest of his sentence out, because Hinata kisses him.

Hinata just flings his arms up around Kageyama's neck to pull him down lower and, at the same time, rises up on his tiptoes. Somewhere in the middle, their lips meet. Kageyama hadn't even seen it coming. He goes rigid, but Hinata has gone fluid against him, and his arms are barely enough support to keep Hinata from melting to the floor. 

He's aware that he has about a second to figure out how to respond to this. He can kiss Hinata back, in which case nothing will ever be the same between them again, or he can put an end to this now and try to do some damage control. But he panics and takes too long to decide. He feels Hinata pulling back, their mouths coming apart, the smaller boy lowering back down onto his feet - and Kageyama chases his retreating mouth, licking Hinata's lips open for more. Reenergized by having his kiss returned, Hinata surges up on his toes again, and their tongues touch. Kageyama moans into Hinata's mouth, a sound of innate need, and Hinata returns with soft mewls of his own. Nothing feels steady anymore, and Kageyama thinks - _is there an earthquake_? But there's no telltale rattling of the knickknacks on Hinata's tables and shelves, and he realizes the tremor is inside of him, strong enough to make him dizzy, to make his knees weak. 

Though neither of them know what they're doing, they both know how _right_ this feels. In spite of the jarring times their teeth _click_ together, and the way they can't seem to get their noses right, and how both of them taste so much of toothpaste, this is perfect. They cling to each other, Kageyama melting against Hinata the same way Hinata has melted against him. The room is loud with their panting, and whimpers, and the wet sounds of their mouths. When Hinata pushes, he pulls. Whatever he gives, Hinata takes. The two of them can barely hold a conversation without it getting awkward, but they've got this kissing stuff down. The touching has Kageyama going wild, too; Hinata's fingers have slid up into Kageyama's hair, and there's so much need in the way he claws at his scalp that Kageyama never wants this to end.

But it does end. Hinata sinks down, away from him, and he stares up at him with electricity in his eyes, his breathing shallow and rapid. "This is the best birthday gift ever," he says, and the mischievous smile on his face tells Kageyama that he isn't talking about the magazine subscription. 

Kageyama smirks at him, his gaze fierce. "Why'd you stop?"

Hinata doesn't break eye contact, and that smile of his doesn't falter. He backs away, towards the bedroom door, and Kageyama doesn't understand where he's going, but once he has crossed the room, he raises a hand, his fingers hovering over the light switch. "We should probably go to bed. Don't you think?" 

And that electricity in Hinata's eyes - Kageyama feels it pass through him, sending sparks racing up and down his nervous system. His own smirk only widens. "Oh, so you're tired?" he asks, playing along.

Hinata responds with a little giggle, "I didn't say that we should go to sleep. I said we should go to _bed_." He bites his lower lip, and Kageyama feels like he's been doused in gasoline and Hinata just lit a match. He's astonished he even survives. In that moment, he wants Hinata just as bad as he's ever wanted victory on the volleyball court. If he has to fight for this, too, then so be it. 

Hinata flips the switch and the room is draped in shadows. He flings himself at Kageyama, and they tumble back onto the bed, arms groping, legs tangling. Somehow, in the jumble of limbs, their mouths meet again. These things are easier in the darkness, as if the light cannot possibly keep their secrets. When did these feelings grow out of the resentment they once felt towards each other? Kageyama cannot pinpoint the moment things changed, but those nights sleeping in Hinata's bed with their bodies pressed in together beneath the blankets must have been building up to this without him realizing it. And those moments on the court, when they seem to share one single mind - that kind of closeness negates resentment, he thinks. It's too hard for Kageyama to wonder about these things for long, because Hinata is needy, pleading, covetous. He's taking everything he wants from Kageyama, and none of their bullshit rivalry matters to him in that moment. It's all hands roaming Kageyama's body - his perfect abs, the sinewy strength of his arms - and tongue roaming Kageyama's mouth - the taste of him, the wetness and heat of him. Sometimes he moans, and those sounds cause little ripples of lust that leave Kageyama shuddering against him on the mattress. Before long, their kissing and sucking and touching has him straining against the fabric of his shorts, so hard he feels lightheaded. 

He is so fucking embarrassed. He leans back, taking his mouth away from Hinata, and Hinata looks up at him with a pitiful expression, his lips glistening with Kageyama's saliva. "Tobi - " he whimpers. Those two syllables of Kageyama's name hit him like a physical blow. As he's trying to figure out an appropriate reaction, Hinata snatches his hand and brings it to his chest. Kageyama can feel Hinata's heartbeat racing in his ribcage beneath his palm. Hinata guides Kageyama's hand down the length of his torso; the sound of his skin sliding across his cotton t-shirt seems almost deafening. Kageyama knows where Hinata is taking him. Despite his panic, he does nothing to stop it. Hinata brings Kageyama's palm between his legs, and he can feel Hinata is hard, too. He can feel the hot bulge against his fingertips, nothing but a thin layer of fabric separating their skin. "Touch me?"

Kageyama has never been more uncertain in his life. He hardly even touches himself. This is something so far outside his area of expertise that he can't even think of how to start. But he _wants_ to do this, and he doesn't want to let Hinata down, either. 

And then Hinata utters one more word that absolutely unravels him: _"Please?"_

Kageyama flips them over, slamming Hinata down on his back against the mattress. Hinata's eyes blaze bright as moonlight in the darkness. Kageyama grabs a fistful of his thick curls with his free hand and jerks his head back, exposing his pale, slender neck. As his palm begins to knead between Hinata's legs, his mouth clamps down at Hinata's throat, suckling to fill his senses with the taste of him. Hinata whines, eyelids fluttering closed, mouth gaping and quivering. He rises off the mattress, his hips rolling up into Kageyama's slow squeezes. It's amazing how easily this all comes to Kageyama. He doesn't even have to think about it. He knows the rhythm to bring Hinata into spasms beneath him, stroking and pulling at all the right times. His mouth is fearless now, too. He's forgotten the amazement and uncertainty of five minutes ago. All of his thoughts have been erased. His mind has one certain, sharp intent - to come with Hinata. His teeth sink in to Hinata's skin, and Hinata begs him, " _H-harder!"_ So he does, gnawing at him until Hinata can no longer distinguish what hurts and what feels good; he just likes it all. 

Kageyama is so aroused by Hinata's plea that he's leaking beads of fluid into his shorts. He wants to rub himself, but he doesn't have enough hands, so he lowers his hips and drags himself against Hinata's thigh. Hinata raises his knee up for him, giving Kageyama something to rut against. The friction is like striking a match. He's on fire, burning inside and out. He has the urge to groan, but he must keep quiet to ensure they don't get caught, so his teeth take Hinata's throat again, and he buries all the sounds he wants to make in the muscle where Hinata's neck meets shoulder. 

Kageyama is too lost chasing his own release to notice how close Hinata is to his. Hinata comes first, slapping both hands over his mouth to silence his cry as his whole body arches off the mattress. Kageyama feels Hinata soaking through the fabric, his pumping fist growing sticky as he continues to stroke. Hinata convulses as Kageyama drains him, and when Kageyama lifts his mouth from Hinata's throat to admire his work, he finds Hinata with tears down his cheeks, but he is smiling, a blissful glow seeming to illuminate from him. Panting, spent, he weakly reaches for the waistband of Kageyama's shorts. He eases them down, until Kageyama's erection is exposed to the humid air of the room. It takes just one touch, just his cool fingertips grazing Kageyama's swollen, glistening head, and Kageyama spills all over his fingers, shooting threads over their pajamas, making a mess that will leave clues tomorrow about the thing that has been committed this night. 

There is a moment, as they're both panting and satisfied, when the sudden silence of the room rings in their ears, almost deafening, but then the rest of reality seems to come back into focus. The songs of crickets outside. The whirring of the fan in the room. The voices rising through the floorboards from the television downstairs. 

"W-we should clean up," Kageyama says. Hinata's come is thick and ropey between his fingers. In the darkness, he stares down at this hand, equal parts astonished and horrified. This isn't how he expected the night to go. If he could go back and undo it all, though, he wouldn't. Not for all the money in the world. 

Beneath him, Hinata wiggles out of his t-shirt. "Here, you can wipe it on this. I'll make sure to get everything in the laundry when my mom isn't home." He balls the shirt up, wiping his own hands dry, and shoves it at Kageyama, who uses it to mop up all the sticky mess that he can. Now shirtless, sprawled between Kageyama's legs, he looks doe-eyed and content. "Take your shirt off, too?" 

"Is the door locked?" Kageyama asks. Why didn't he wonder this earlier? The thought of Hinata's mother - or, worse, _Natsu_ \- walking in on them is enough to make him feel a twinge of regret. 

"Duh," Hinata says, and he slides his hands up Kageyama's chest, raising the shirt up to his shoulders. Kageyama slides out of it, and then sinks down onto the mattress, where they press their bare skin together and stare into each other's eyes through the darkness. Hinata's hands, warm and clammy, roam Kageyama's sweaty flesh, as ripples of pleasure, little aftershocks, pass through Kageyama's weary body. "I'm glad this happened."

Kageyama pushes in closer, until they're forehead-to-forehead on Hinata's pillow, and he smiles - a real smile, one that Hinata scoots in to peck at with gentle little kisses. "I am, too," he admits. 

They ping-pong kisses back and forth until they fall asleep that way, wrapped around each other and smiling against one another's mouths. 


	4. Summer Training Camp

Kageyama and Hinata both brace for everything to change now. But then, surprisingly, it doesn’t. 

Of course, there are some small ways in which things are different. Sometimes when they are apart, one might find that he misses the other, which is a new and uncomfortable development. It’s nothing that a quick text message won’t fix, but both of them consider this longing to be sort of a sexually transmitted disease that they’ve caught from fooling around. It feels shameful and undeserved. Another symptom of this _infection,_ as they have come to consider it, is that there are times when they are alone together, watching television or doing homework, that they might find their fingers intertwining as though their hands are developing a mind of their own. They can't memorize verb conjugations, but they memorize the calluses on each other's fingers. Hinata likes the way his hand fits so snugly inside of Kageyama's grip, dwarfed by how wide his palms are and how long his fingers are. Kageyama thinks how nice it feels to hold on to something and have it hold onto him back. There is, of course, a third change - more sleepovers. When the lights turn off, their mouths seek each other in the darkness, and in this way, the infection spreads deeper and deeper, until the way they feel about each other is feverish and spread through their blood stream. Otherwise, Kageyama and Hinata are still as antagonistic to each other as always. Their teammates don’t even suspect a thing. 

They endure their confusing feelings as the weeks roll on, until summer vacation sees Karasuno’s volleyball club making the trip to Shinzen High once more for training camp. Kageyama feels a pleasant thrum beneath his skin at the thought of spending uninterrupted time with Hinata. Even though they will be in public, which means the things they enjoy doing together in private will be impossible, he’s still excited, as loathe as he is to admit this to himself. Hinata seems excited, too. The whole journey to Shinzen, Hinata is bouncing around in his seat and shouting about everything he sees through the bus windows. When Hinata begins to feel carsick as they pass through some mountains, Kageyama even allows Hinata to rest his head on his shoulder and close his eyes. He feels at peace with this thing between them. The world seems bright and full of possibilities, with Hinata’s new, complicated role in his life. 

Hinata is the first one off the bus, and before Ukai or Takeda can get him under control, he’s leaping across the parking lot towards another group unloading their gear. He can tell by the uniforms that it’s Nekoma, and he scans the team until he spots Kenma, standing about five feet away. He’s bent over a handheld game, his hair hanging in his face, so he fails to notice Hinata rushing at him until they collide. “Are you going to set for me?” he shouts to Kenma, who nods without taking his eyes off the screen. 

He falls into a conversation with his friends from Nekoma that the rest of Karasuno cannot hear, as they start dragging duffle bags out from beneath the bus. Kageyama, too distracted to help, just stares. There’s a new feeling in his chest, one he cannot name and doesn’t like. Something is knotted tight just between his ribs, and as he mentally pokes and prods at it, trying to make sense of the thing, a memory surfaces. He’s in middle school again, setting to no one. The heavy _thud_ as his ball drops to the court. Oikawa’s voice, calm and cruel, echoes in his head.

* * *

Karasuno loses their practice match against Fukurodani that day. 

It isn't a devastating loss; they do manage to take one set, but that does little to soften the blow. Kageyama is at fault for some of their worst plays. Ukai can tell something's on his mind, keeping him from performing his best, and so he subs Kageyama out with the first year setter, who just doesn't stand a chance yet against the powerhouse school. Kageyama seethes on the bench. Takeda even asks him, "Are you feeling okay?" which makes his mood even worse. He's certain Takeda is babying him after the fight he got into that spring.

Kageyama's mood only gets worse when the teams all head to the Shinzen cafeteria for dinner after the matches are over, and Hinata whispers to him as they stand in line for their trays of food, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Kageyama growls.

"If you say so," Hinata sighs, "but you sure are acting weird. Oh! Hey, after we eat, Kenma is going to set for me! Do you want to come practice with us in the gym? You can block with Lev. It'll be fun!"

It certainly doesn't sound like fun to Kageyama. In fact, the thought of watching Kenma serve for Hinata ruins Kageyama's appetite. His stomach twists. He feels like he might puke. "No thanks." 

"Come on," Hinata whines, "This is the one time we get a chance to play with other schools. It'll be good practice!"

"I said no."

And then Hinata has the _nerve_ to take his tray over to a table already occupied by Kenma and Lev. Kenma is on his phone, and he passes it to Hinata, showing him something. Kageyama watches how close Hinata leans into Kenma, the way his face lights up at whatever he’s seeing on the screen. Kageyama scowls and turns to find somewhere else to sit. 

“Ah, wait! To -- er, Kageyama!” Hinata calls to him, “There’s a seat over here, if you want to sit with us.” His gaze is wide and pleading. 

Kageyama rolls his eyes at him. “I’d rather choke on my food and die.” 

“Fine! I didn’t want you over here anyway!” Hinata grumbles, slapping his tray down on the table so hard he nearly spills his food.

This is normal for them. This is the way interactions between them always go in public. So Hinata fails to realize that the anger set in Kageyama’s severe features is genuine, and he doesn’t even notice when, instead of wedging into one of the empty spaces at the couple of Karasuno tables, Kageyama instead finds a corner table to sit at by himself. 

“He’s kind of a jerk,” Lev says.

“Yeah. He’s a total jerk,” Hinata agrees, smiling to himself as he picks up his chopsticks. His heart feels warm, and he thinks to himself - _he's_ my _jerk._

* * *

After a day of missing many of Kageyama's sets in the practice match, it feels good to pair up with Kenma and hit them all. On the other side of the net, Lev blocks with the enthusiasm and ease of a dog chasing a stick. He's gotten a lot better, and Hinata is pretty sure Lev's grown even more since the last time they saw each other, if that's possible. The match between Karasuno and Nekoma first thing tomorrow is going to be a tough one. The gyms are all filled with small groups that have broken apart for individual practices, and Hinata wonders where Kageyama wound up, because he can't see him in this gym. There isn't much opportunity to be distracted worrying, though. They may be mostly playing for fun, but Kenma is so precise that Hinata can't allow his mind to wander, or he'll mess up. 

It's Kenma who eventually yawns, points out that they've lost track of time, and decides to call it a night. Hinata has enough stamina leftover to keep going another hour at least, so he plans to find Kageyama and jump into whatever he is doing. He peeks his head into the other gyms, finding pockets of activity, including most of Karasuno still hard at work breaking in their first years, but no sign of Kageyama. "Hey, Shorty!" Tanaka shouts, "You wanna come block with us?"

Hinata can always use the blocking practice, but there's a pit of nervousness in his gut now that he cannot ignore. "Have you seen Kageyama?" he asks. 

"I think he went to bed after dinner," Yachi replies, "I don't think he is feeling well." Her face is pinched with worry and sympathy. 

He was acting a little strange earlier, Hinata thinks as he hurries from the gym to continue his search. His poor Kageyama. If they were at home, he could wrap Kageyama up in bed and make him tea and put on his favorite movies, which are the things that Hinata likes when he's feeling sick himself. But instead, they're all the way out here, a four hour bus ride away. What can he do for Kageyama now?

The room that Karasuno's second years are sharing is empty when he investigates. Three futons have already been laid out, including one against the far wall, on which sits Kageyama's cell phone, plugged in to an outlet and charging. Where would Kageyama have gone without his phone? Unease begins to weigh upon Hinata. He should have checked in with Kageyama earlier. He should have made sure he was okay. He decides to take his toiletries to the bathroom, in hopes that Kageyama may be soaking in there. If that doesn't work, then maybe he'll try the toilets next. As a last effort, he could always try to hunt down Takeda or Ukai, but he's nervous about the idea of waking them up or interrupting whatever they're doing.

He tears out of his clothes, leaving them in a messy pile on a bench by the bathroom lockers. He can hear water running, which he hopes is a good sign. When he sees that familiar body rinsing off under the shower, he's so relieved he could weep. "Kageyama?" 

Kageyama turns to him. His expression is careful, blank. He's scrubbing fingers through his hair, working up a lather, and Hinata greedily takes in the sight of rivers of water rolling over the muscles of his torso, the V of his hipbones, the patch of dark hair between his legs. They've bathed together so many times, but not since what happened on his birthday. He's touched Kageyama plenty of times since then, too, but always in the dark. He allows himself to just _see_ Kageyama for the first time through his new perspective, and he feels his cheeks flush, his pulse race. He really, _really_ likes the way Kageyama looks naked. And he really, _really_ likes Kageyama.

"Do we need to give you two some privacy or something?" 

Hinata's head whips up. Somehow he failed to notice Tsukishima and Yamaguchi soaking in the bath behind Kageyama. They lean in close to share a snicker, and Hinata, flustered and blushing, finds he can't think of a response to that, so he decides to change the subject - "They said you weren't feeling well," he says, "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine," Kageyama says, and he tilts his head under the shower to rinse the shampoo out of his hair.

Hinata knows he shouldn't, he knows that Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are already suspicious of him, but he can't help but admire the way the suds slide down Kageyama's broad back. He swallows and moves in to use another showerhead next to Kageyama, shoving his head under the cold water, glad for an excuse to close his eyes and avoid staring.

Kageyama hops into the bath once he has all the shampoo out of his hair. He looks tense and unhappy as he lowers himself up to his shoulders in the water. By the time Hinata is ready to join him in the tub, Kageyama is already climbing out, toweling off with a scowl on his face. That's the last straw. Hinata knows something is up; he knows Kageyama isn't sick but, instead, is pissed at him for something. The jerk is impossible to read! Hinata can never predict what will set his shitty temper off! But he can't do anything about it here, not with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi laughing. "Lover's quarrel or something?" Tsukishima suggests, and Hinata has to sink into the water up to his chin so that he doesn't follow through with his urge to jump over there and drown him. 

After everyone has finished their baths, once Hinata has spread out his futon and they have turned the lights out, he lays awake, waiting for the other two to fall asleep so that he can ask Kageyama about what is pissing him off. Yamaguchi is out as soon as his head hits the pillow, but Tsukishima takes a lot longer. He puts his headphones on and turns on a playlist in his phone. While he listens, he stares up at the ceiling. It isn't until the screen on his phone goes black, and he doesn't roll over to touch it back to life, that Hinata crawls out of his futon and into Kageyama's, scooting in close to him. Kageyama tenses from head to toe at the physical contact and whispers, " _What are you doing?_ "

Hinata snakes an arm around Kageyama's waist, and Kageyama turns on his side to glare at him. In the darkness, their faces are mere millimeters apart. Hinata asks, in a voice as soft as a breath, "What's wrong, Tobi?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie. I can tell something's bothering you."

They pause to listen for the breathing of their roommates, making sure their whispering hasn't stirred them awake. Then Kageyama hisses, "It's nothing. Just go to sleep."

Hinata takes Kageyama's hands and holds them against his chest, cupping them in both of his own. He nuzzles Kageyama's face with his nose. "I'm worried about you," he breathes, "I can't sleep until I know you're okay. Whatever I did to piss you off, it wasn't on purpose." 

Kageyama tries to think of a response, but the closer he gets to the truth, the more he feels like crying. He's mad, sad, scared - a little bit of everything, all mixed together into a chaotic negative feeling that he doesn't understand and can't express. Until this second, he has not known what has had him on edge all day, but now, with his face against Hinata's, and Hinata's heartbeat against his palms, he gets it - Hinata doesn't need him the way that he needs Hinata. People love Hinata. He makes friends effortlessly. And, because of this, Hinata can play with any setter, whether that's Kageyama or Kenma or even that bastard Oikawa. One day, Kageyama and Hinata will go their separate ways, and Hinata will do amazing things with another team. But, without Hinata, Kageyama just becomes King of the Court again. He can't go back to that nightmare. He's worried that he'll never love playing volleyball again, if Hinata isn't the person he's setting to.

"I'll be fine," he lies, "I just didn't get enough sleep last night." 

"You're such a moron," Hinata whispers, smiling up at Kageyama through the dark. He leans in and risks a single quick kiss to Kageyama's frown, "Go to sleep, okay? We have to kick Nekoma's ass tomorrow." 

Kageyama pushes his face into Hinata's curls, still damp from the bath. All of his concerns feel so ridiculous now, with Hinata against him like this. What was it that Takeda had taught him to calm down? Inhale for seven seconds, hold it for four, exhale for eight? No, he remembers - it was four seconds in, hold for seven, out for eight. Kageyama counts and breathes in - _one, two, three, four_. It certainly doesn't hurt that each breath fills his lungs with the comforting scent of Hinata's peach shampoo. 

* * *

Hinata would probably quit volleyball entirely before he ever admitted how much he enjoys waking up in bed with Kageyama. It's the kind of thing that people in romantic relationships do, and he and Kageyama aren't like that at all. For them, he thinks, it's more of a bonding experience. They are both very, very bad at talking to each other. The cuddling is easier than communicating. One way or another, they need to build trust if they're going to be teammates, right? 

Hinata doesn't have to open his eyes to know that Kageyama is still sleeping; he can hear his soft snores and feel the slow rise and fall of peaceful breathing beneath him, because he is draped over Kageyama like a blanket. His head is on Kageyama's chest, and he can hear the muffled rumble of Kageyama's heartbeat - _ba - bum - ba - bum - ba - bum._ Hinata's fingers shift, gripping into Kageyama's shirt. He smiles, thinking that it's pretty cool - he's never heard someone else's heartbeat before. Maybe, when Kageyama wakes up, Hinata can make him listen to his own. The idea makes him squirm with excitement. It's going to be hard to fall back asleep now.

Someone gives a snort of laughter. 

Hinata freezes and opens his eyes. Who is laughing? He looks up into Kageyama's face. He is still out cold, his lips parted as he snores, looking particularly kissable. So it wasn't Kageyama laughing. But Hinata _knows_ he heard laughter. Did they leave the television on? Or what if it's a ghost! Is Kageyama's house haunted? 

And then Hinata remembers...

They aren't at Kageyama's house. They aren't at his house, either.

They're at a training camp, sharing a room with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi. 

He bolts upright, crushing Kageyama under flailing limbs. Kageyama wakes with a sharp grunt and flings an arm, punching Hinata in the head. Hinata's not sure if it was an accident or on purpose. He rubs at his throbbing skull and glares across the room at Tsukishima, who is just laughing out loud now, not even trying to hide it. Both he and Yamaguchi have their phones out, either filming or photographing for future evidence. 

"Good morning, you two lovebirds!" Tsukishima chimes. Hinata doesn't think he's ever heard Tsukishima sound so amused by anything. 

"Oh, shut up!" Hinata shouts, leaping out of Kageyama's futon and onto his own, "Who even watches someone else sleep like that? Pervert!"

"I'm sending you the picture," Tsukishima says, "It's really Instagram-worthy, if you ask me."

"What the heck is wrong with you?" Hinata moans, scrambling for his phone to see how embarrassing the image actually is. When he opens the text from Tsukishima, he sees a picture that might have been sweet in other circumstances. He is flung on top of Kageyama, whose face is buried in his messy hair. The worst part of it all - somehow, in their sleep, they're even holding hands. He has the urge to cry in shame and frustration. 

Kageyama yawns and paws at his sleepy eyes. "What's going on?" he asks, having totally missed the joke at his own expense. 

"You're the absolute worst!" Hinata growls at Tsukishima. He feels so helpless. He can't do anything to erase the picture out of existence or to remove the memory from Tsukishima's brain. All that he can do is attempt to make excuses. "I-I was dreaming about a cute girl from my math class!"

"Don't worry about it," Yamaguchi tries to comfort him, "I think it's cute."

"It's not cute!" Hinata cries, "It's awful!"

And the moment only gets more awful when the door to their room slides open. It's the five third years; all are still in their pajamas and look like they've only just woken up. Tanaka, Nishinoya, and Kinoshita are all leading the pack, cackling together over their phone screens. Hinata feels his face, red-hot mere seconds ago, suddenly blanch. He has a feeling this is about to be one of the worst days of his life. 

"Yo, I'm seriously making this my phone wallpaper!" Tanaka wheezes, slapping his thigh. 

"I just forwarded it to Asahi," Nishinoya says. 

"I just made it the icon for the team group chat," Kinoshita adds.

"What is wrong with you people?" Hinata grumbles, "It was just an accident. It doesn't mean anything. It's not even that funny!"

"Oh, it's plenty funny," Tanaka laughs. 

Kageyama sits up in his futon and shakes a hand through his hair, "What's funny?" he asks. 

"Nobody tell him!" Hinata pleads, at the same time that Tsukishima says, "Check your phone, _Your Majesty._ "

Kageyama does.

No one is even surprised when they lose their practice match to Nekoma that morning. 


	5. Nationals, Again

The small changes in Kageyama and Hinata's relationship that followed Hinata's birthday are undone in the aftermath of the volleyball team's summer training camp. It's heartbreaking for Hinata, at first. Kageyama won't text him anymore, even when Hinata spams him with messages, desperate for any attention. Kageyama still comes over after school and still spends the night, but if Hinata's fingers try to slip into Kageyama's, Kageyama moves his hands into his lap and folds in on himself, and, in bed, Kageyama faces the wall. Hinata works up the nerve to prod into Kageyama's feelings. If he can find where Kageyama has been wounded, then maybe Hinata can slap some emotional bandage on it until Kageyama has had time to heal, just like when Kageyama got punched by that first year. However, any attempts to talk about what's wrong result in Kageyama pulling further and further away. 

Hinata can be patient! Okay, maybe not. But he's willing to wait impatiently, if he has to.

The days turn into weeks, and their teammates have moved on past the jokes. On Tsukishima's birthday, even the icon of their group chat is changed to a picture taken at his party. Hinata is relieved. Still, Kageyama's warmth doesn't return. 

There's a bit of a set back when, one night at Kageyama's house, Hinata reveals a bottle of aloe vera gel he has snuck over in his bag. Hinata explains, red-faced and stumbling over his words, that he's read online that aloe vera can be a good substitute for anal lube. Kageyama is so mortified that he doesn't have sleepovers with Hinata for a long time after that. So Hinata tries other angles. After the InterHigh qualifiers, he goes a whole week without talking to Kageyama at all, sure that Kageyama will feel lonely and come crawling back. Hinata is devastated when Kageyama doesn't even seem to notice. For Kageyama's birthday, he asks Kageyama out on a date. A real date! Hinata's never been on one before in his whole life, but he saves up his money to pay for them both and dresses nice and everything. They go to a café known for really fancy, over-the-top ice cream desserts. The whole time they're there, Kageyama is smiling in his I-don't-want-to-be-smiling kind of way, and they even fool around in bed that night, but it doesn't seem to _fix_ anything. Not long-term, at least. Hinata's pretty sure Kageyama was only in a good mood because he enjoyed the ice cream. 

So Hinata gives up. At least for now. He doesn't like to give up on anything so easily, especially not something like this that he aches for so bad, but they have Nationals coming up soon, which Hinata needs to focus on. Things have now been bad longer than they were ever good. He's willing to keep fighting for what he wants, but it's exhausting work, especially while he's also trying to get better at volleyball. He's wasted enough time at recent practices worrying about Kageyama's mental state. Although, with the disconnect between himself and Kageyama, he privately suspects they won't even make it to the quarter-finals this year. 

The day before they leave for Tokyo, he begs to sleep over at Kageyama's place. That night, as they both lay, anxious, staring up at the ceiling, he seeks the comfort of Kageyama's hand under the blankets and weaves their fingers together. "Will we be okay?" he whispers into the dark. 

And Kageyama squeezes his hand and says, "I don't know." 

* * *

There are a million things on Kageyama's mind as he stares at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, mere minutes left before Karasuno's match against Inarizaki. He is worried because their team feels low energy and uncertain after their first difficult matches of Nationals. He wishes that Daichi, Sugawara, and Asahi were there to boost moral. Even though all three of the graduates have showed up in the audience to cheer them on, it's not the same as having Daichi's encouraging voice around to raise the team's spirits. He is also exasperated with Hinata, who is having stomach problems - _as usual._

As if he didn't have enough on his plate before this big, important match, the bathroom door swings open and Miya Atsumu strolls in. 

"Oh, it's you!" Atsumu says. He's wearing that grin that Kageyama thinks looks very punch-able, as he moves in to a nearby urinal, "Don't expect us to go easy on you. We're more fired up than ever! Although I bet your first years have some surprises for us up their sleeves, right? That's what Karasuno is known for!"

Kageyama blinks at him as Atsumu relieves himself. It drives him crazy how Atsumu seems so genuinely friendly, yet he can't trust him at all. At least with Oikawa, Kageyama knows the chatter and smiles are all fake. Once he's done at the urinal, Atsumu crosses the bathroom to the sink beside Kageyama, where he locks eye contact with Kageyama's reflection in the mirror as he washes his hands. "Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Is it going to bother you - " Atsumu starts, and, even though Kageyama braces himself, nothing can really prepare him for the sting of his next words, " - when I'm setting for Hinata in the future, and I unlock even more of his potential than you ever could?" 

Kageyama grips the cool porcelain of the sink with shaking fingers. 

Of course it will bother him. It will drain every remaining ounce of his happiness and leave him hollow and aching. For months now, ever since training camp, this is all he can think about. Hinata with Kenma. Hinata with Atsumu. Hinata with Oikawa. The world is filled with talented setters, but there is only one Hinata. Hinata may be his right now, but who knows what team he will end up on, or which setter he will soar with as an adult. It won't be him. And it drives him fucking crazy that assholes like Oikawa and Atsumu can see through his insecurities so easily. Or was it merely a lucky stab in the dark?

"You're just pissed off because you know we can kick your ass," Kageyama growls. 

Atsumu moves in close, too close, as he reaches past Kageyama to grab some paper towels. "We'll see about that," he says, still looking cheerful, "I just really don't want bad blood between us, that's all. No hard feelings?"

There's a toilet flush, and Atsumu jumps away from Kageyama. He looks startled. He had thought they were alone. "Anyway ~ " he says, quickly drying off his hands with the paper towel, "Good luck out there." 

Kageyama is still standing at the sink, seething, when the stall door behind him opens. Hinata steps out, looking much less sick and pallid than he did moments ago. "What the heck was that about?" he asks. 

"Who knows?"

Hinata steps over to the sink that Atsumu just used and begins washing his hands. Kageyama waits for him to finish, wondering if Hinata will bring up what he just overheard. Maybe Hinata doesn't even understand what he just overheard. But after Hinata's hands are washed and dried, he takes Kageyama's fingers in his own. "Don't listen to that jerkface," Hinata says, "He's just trying to freak you out."

Kageyama can't meet Hinata's blazing gaze, so he stares down at the floor. Of course, that's all Atsumu is trying to do. There's no way that Atsumu can guess how much he longs to be tethered to Hinata forever, or how bleak the future seems when Hinata will no longer be playing at Kageyama's side. Atsumu was not at training camp, of course, so he didn't see how much Kageyama was hurt by the sight of Hinata's body arcing through the air, chasing a ball that Kenma set.

"Yeah."

"I still fully plan to beat you one day," Hinata says, bringing Kageyama's hands up to his lips, kissing his knuckles, "If I plan to beat you, that means you can't set for me forever, you know?"

"I know."

"If he ends up being the one who sets for me, then... well, so be it, I guess. Although, I dunno, I'd rather play with Kenma..." he trails off, looking thoughtful.

Kageyama wants to ask if Hinata would rather have Kenma as a setter, but he is afraid he won't like the answer. His eyes are watering, but he's determined not to weep in front of Hinata, not before a match like this.

"Hey. Are you okay?" Hinata asks, "He really upset you, didn't he?" 

"Come on," Kageyama mutters, pulling his hands away, "Let's get back out there, or else the others will think you've crapped yourself to death."

"No," Hinata says, gripping him by the arms now instead, pinning him in place so that he can't retreat, "This is important."

"It isn't important. He's just some dumbass trying to get under my skin."

"But it worked," Hinata snaps up at him, "And now you're gonna screw up on the court, just like he wants you to."

Hinata is right, of course, but Kageyama mutters, "No, I won't."

Hinata sighs, and the bathroom goes quiet, although they can hear toilets flushing from the girl's restroom next door and the squealing of sneakers on the polished floors out in the halls. "I have a secret to tell you."

Oh, great, Kageyama thinks. The last thing he needs is something else to distract him and ruin their chances at Nationals. But, he supposes, he's already a mess as it is. It can only get better from here. "What?"

"I know why you got into that fight last spring."

It takes Kageyama a long time to wrap his head around those words. Once their meaning is translated by his brain, he feels dizzy. He clings to the sink for support. " _What?_ " It's all he can say. 

"Takeda-sensei told me, but he asked me not to tell you. I've known this whole time," Hinata explains.

"Why the Hell would he tell you?" Kageyama snarls. He is so mad that he doesn't know what to do; he's never been this mad in his life. He has an urge to get violent, to start breaking things and hurting people, but he also just wants to collapse to his knees and cry. How could Takeda betray him like this? Takeda, for all his kind smiles and pleasant words, is an absolute _backstabbing bastard!_

Hinata reaches for Kageyama, grabbing his arms, steadying him, "Stuff like that doesn't really matter to me. I get picked on a lot. My whole life, people have never really believed in me. You didn't believe in me either, remember? But it really matters to me that you felt like you had to stand up for me. It matters a lot to me that you believe in me now."

Kageyama begins to inhale, counting in his head - _one, two, three, four -_

"You know I love you, right?"

Kageyama chokes on his own breath. "W-what?" he wheezes.

"I love you," Hinata says. He's smiling, like he's proud of it, "And even if we lose today, or even if Atsumu sets for me in the future - nothing will change that."

"That's the exact problem," Kageyama growls, "Everything will change. We cannot stop it from changing."

"Well, maybe it'll change for the better?" Hinata suggests, "Maybe we won't play on the same team forever, but I'll still love you. Hey, has this been what you've been moping about since training camp? Were you jealous of me and Kenma?" 

"I'm not jealous," Kageyama mutters. He swallows, and it's audible in in the empty bathroom. 

Hinata smirks up at him. "You are so jealous!" he teases him, "But it's okay. Kenma is my friend, but you're my best friend. You're more than my friend. I love you, like I said. If volleyball has taught me anything, it's that you have to work hard for what you want. And the more that you want something, the harder you have to work. So we can be together forever, but it may not always be easy, especially if we play on different teams. But nothing important is ever easy. It's the effort that makes it so important, right?" 

In that moment, Kageyama longs to hold Hinata close and draw strength from his sunny warmth, but things like that have never come easily for him. Isn't that exactly what Hinata is talking about, though? So he raises his arms, and Hinata rewards him by doing the rest of the work. He throws himself against Kageyama's chest with a happy little whine. Kageyama lets his face drop into Hinata's hair, breathing in the smell of him, and he smiles. "I love you too," he whispers into the curls. Even if they lose this tournament today, even if he won't always set for Hinata, Kageyama thinks, they'll both be okay.


End file.
